Craigslist "Best of" Page...

Time to time, i look at the best of page cause it's soo damn hilarious.

For Example:

To the owner of the dog who took a shit outside my apartment building
Date: 2008-02-24, 3:59PM PST


All I have to say is Fuck You for not picking up your dog's shit.

The dog park is literally 25 meters away. You couldn't make your stupid dog wait 2 minutes? No. Instead, I step in your dog's steaming pile of crap on the SIDEWALK right in front of my building.

Even after I took my shoe off, and left it outside my apartment building, I could still smell your dog's shit all hovering around me like a toxic cloud.

Have you never had to clean dog shit out off of a pair of New Balance runners before? Maybe you should take a look at how many ridiculous grooves there are in the soles.

Meanwhile, I try to delicately rinse off your dog's shit in my bathroom sink, little bits of shit water splashing all over my clean hoodie and jeans. I start gagging because I can taste the dog shit steam . No matter how careful I am, shit water runs over into the actual shoe, soaking right through.

Puking a little in my mouth, I run away... just to come back to my fucking cat taking drink of your dog's shit water in the sink.

You asshole.

The kicker of it all is I just bought a brand new toothbrush. I haven't even used it for 3 days, and then I get to use it to clean out all of your dog's shit out of every single fucking groove of the soles.

Dog owners in Downtown Vancouver beware: the next time I see you NOT pick your dog's shit, I will be glad to pick it up for you.

You just don't want to know what I am gonna do with it.

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Wanted: One Male Bed-Filler
Date: 2007-09-16, 11:58PM PDT


I’m just another busy person always on the go. I recently moved to a new place and bought a fantastic bed that I love. While so caught up in my day to day life, I have not had time to develop a romantic relationship lately. But when I come home at the end of the day and get in bed, it feels very empty.

I have thus decided to take applications for a bed-filler.

This is NOT a sex thing. If anything, it might be more appropriate to post this in the housewares section… but anyways.

Me:
-25 years old, straight single female
-5’8”, blond, hazel eyes, thick/curvy
-often restless/occupied when I get in bed; in need of soothing, relaxation

My bed:
-1 full sized bed, located in nice room in nice basement suite
-clean sheets
-2 new pillows for sleeping – none of those annoying throw pillows
-1 blue fleece blanket decorated with reindeer (don’t ask)
-room temperature kept cool as to facilitate snuggling (see below)

I require:
-one straight, single man
-between the ages of 25 and 30 years old
-minimum 6 feet tall, 6’2” is better, 6’4” is most desireable and also the maximum height sought
-must practice good hygiene, smell pleasant and regularly manscape if his body hair is excessive in volume
-piercings and tattoos to be considered on individual basis
-must enthusiastically cuddle, snuggle and spoon me
-must NOT scratch himself excessively in the morning and NEVER Dutch-oven me
-must limit alcohol intake to 2 beers on any night he is acting as bed-filler
-must seek medical consul if he consistently snores when not drunk, sick
-should occasionally play with my hair

What the successful applicant receives:
-the satisfaction of helping me sleep better
-sleeping with a girl who’s hair always smells nice
-free dream interpretation in the morning (just a weird gift I have)

Applicants who can demonstrate ESP skills, thus knowing which nights and at what times I need my bed-filler without my explicit request, will be given priority in the short listing phase. Amusing and/or insightful pillow talk may be rewarded with kisses or tea (to be decided at the discretion of the bed-filler).

Thanks and good luck!

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Is This YOUR Marijuana!?!?!?!?!?!?
Date: 2007-09-14, 2:50PM PDT


Yesterday, I got a small padded envelope in the mail, returned to my address in North Vancouver because it needed a customs declaration attached.

Trouble is, I never sent this particular parcel.

My wife looked it over, and we realized that it had the right address, but there was no such apartment number.

We looked up the name at the top, but there is no R. Kent in the phone book, nor any people with the same last name with a similar street number. A quick search on Canada Posts website reveals the postal code to be valid on a nearby street.

My wife opened it, and you can imagine our reaction to its contents. We debated if it was a friend playing a joke on us, or if it was intended to be found and cause trouble. However, Canada Customs never found out about the contents, so the point is rendered moot.

I will keep the contents for now, and remail the envelope with a photo of its former contents with a short note saying if he gets in touch with the person how mailed it orginally, he can drop by and retrieve it.

He better hurry though, as I only intend to hang onto it for so long.
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